Saturday, July 19, 2008
The Chronicles of E
The author have now decided to open his own blog. Please do visit the Chronicles of E.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Welcome to the CLAN
Ok, how does the clan work? Well it is compromised by yuppies. These people are doctors, nurses, lawyers, teachers, business men and women, dentists, Managers, rich bums and yes, there’s a priest. The Clan is like one big family. There’s a mother, a father, uncles and aunts and the rest are the “kids”. Mom and Dad are the head of the Clan, the uncles and unties are some sort of a higher level status w/in the Clan and the kids are neophytes..When you are part of the Clan, you will be given a code name or a pet name depending on how mom and dad see’s you…For me, they called me “Pet”…From the outside, the clan members are not your average druggie..As a matter of fact, some of them can pass as your boy next door or even the next congressman! Yes, they look wholesome! Family-fun-fun wholesome image! For fucks sakes, have you ever heard of an addict priest? Would have your appendix removed if you knew your surgeon is stoned? Will you respect your boss if he happened to be a junkie?
Like any other cliques, there are perks to be part of the CLAN…free use of drug house, occasional “buffet” (snort, drop, shoot all you can), travel (locally and abroad), and a sense of family that most of the clan members do not have…of course, there’s a price..Not everything that glitter is gold you know.
I met one of the kids of the CLAN in a bar her name? lets call her Snow white. How I met her? She approached me and asked for a light. Engaged in small conversation and asked if I shoot. I said, I haven’t tried it but I’d like to try she invited me to their headquarters. When we got there, everybody looked so beautiful! The kind of people you see inside a magazine, no not vogue or cosmo more like…HOME and Good house keeping…they look happy and you can tell that they’re professionals. She gave a quick introduction of everyone even though not everyone was paying attention. We went inside the room and there I met mom and dad…mom and dad are both guys-I didn’t care. Mom and Dad are obviously a couple. Mom is not effeminate, as a matter of fact, he has this rugged look going on and Dad on the other hand, looks like a DILF..Yum I said to myself! This is my chance to score big time but I didn’t know if they invite 3rd party in their bed. We didn’t shoot that night but instead, we dropped ( drop=tem use to taking ecstasy). When the drug kicked in I started to make my move on both mom and dad..I sat between them. I whispered to moms ear if I could kiss both of them and he smiled and kissed my lips, I took that as a yes and I stuck my tongue down his throat after that I turned to dad and did the same.. We got up and went to a different room leaving snow white behind. Yes, we fucked like rabbits and for the first time in my drug abused life, I enjoyed a threesome! Before, I only go for it because I have to, but with mom and dad…it’s like mixing business with pleasure.
After doing the deed, we hugged, kissed, caressed each other, its like the three of us were a couple. Mom and Dad assured me that they will take good care of me and that if I needed them I was always welcome.” Mission accomplished” I thought. I’m making my way up the Clan…I’m skipping neophyte status..Snow white went inside the room while we were all naked but we were too high to care. She was holding what looks like a mirror tray and she was smiling while she was saying “breakfast is ready” I asked mom what it was and he said “that kets..you do kets right?” (kets or ketamin= powderized horse tranquilizer) In my mind I was singing praises!! Not only do I snort ketamin, I love ketamin! Mom and dad snorted 3 big long lines of kets and got K-hole (k hole…its what happen if you snort too much ketamin, its like being catatonic but you don’t really see whats in front of you, just colors or pitch balck) now when it was my turn to snort kets, snow white asked me how it was with mom and dad, I said I enjoyed it and thanked her for bringing me here, she smiled and we French kissed for 2 minutes. “ Kiko was right, you’re a good kisser” (kiko, the head of the last clique I was in) I snorted 4 lines of Kets and laid beside snow white we kissed while we were enjoying our “journey” ( Journey, term use when you hallucinate after snorting ketamin)…
And thats how I became part of the CLan
Like any other cliques, there are perks to be part of the CLAN…free use of drug house, occasional “buffet” (snort, drop, shoot all you can), travel (locally and abroad), and a sense of family that most of the clan members do not have…of course, there’s a price..Not everything that glitter is gold you know.
I met one of the kids of the CLAN in a bar her name? lets call her Snow white. How I met her? She approached me and asked for a light. Engaged in small conversation and asked if I shoot. I said, I haven’t tried it but I’d like to try she invited me to their headquarters. When we got there, everybody looked so beautiful! The kind of people you see inside a magazine, no not vogue or cosmo more like…HOME and Good house keeping…they look happy and you can tell that they’re professionals. She gave a quick introduction of everyone even though not everyone was paying attention. We went inside the room and there I met mom and dad…mom and dad are both guys-I didn’t care. Mom and Dad are obviously a couple. Mom is not effeminate, as a matter of fact, he has this rugged look going on and Dad on the other hand, looks like a DILF..Yum I said to myself! This is my chance to score big time but I didn’t know if they invite 3rd party in their bed. We didn’t shoot that night but instead, we dropped ( drop=tem use to taking ecstasy). When the drug kicked in I started to make my move on both mom and dad..I sat between them. I whispered to moms ear if I could kiss both of them and he smiled and kissed my lips, I took that as a yes and I stuck my tongue down his throat after that I turned to dad and did the same.. We got up and went to a different room leaving snow white behind. Yes, we fucked like rabbits and for the first time in my drug abused life, I enjoyed a threesome! Before, I only go for it because I have to, but with mom and dad…it’s like mixing business with pleasure.
After doing the deed, we hugged, kissed, caressed each other, its like the three of us were a couple. Mom and Dad assured me that they will take good care of me and that if I needed them I was always welcome.” Mission accomplished” I thought. I’m making my way up the Clan…I’m skipping neophyte status..Snow white went inside the room while we were all naked but we were too high to care. She was holding what looks like a mirror tray and she was smiling while she was saying “breakfast is ready” I asked mom what it was and he said “that kets..you do kets right?” (kets or ketamin= powderized horse tranquilizer) In my mind I was singing praises!! Not only do I snort ketamin, I love ketamin! Mom and dad snorted 3 big long lines of kets and got K-hole (k hole…its what happen if you snort too much ketamin, its like being catatonic but you don’t really see whats in front of you, just colors or pitch balck) now when it was my turn to snort kets, snow white asked me how it was with mom and dad, I said I enjoyed it and thanked her for bringing me here, she smiled and we French kissed for 2 minutes. “ Kiko was right, you’re a good kisser” (kiko, the head of the last clique I was in) I snorted 4 lines of Kets and laid beside snow white we kissed while we were enjoying our “journey” ( Journey, term use when you hallucinate after snorting ketamin)…
And thats how I became part of the CLan
Meet COUSIN...The guy I love to hate!!
Not everybody who uses drugs is like me..As a matter of fact, there are some who uses drugs as a recreation or a pass time..Some of these people lead good lives...healthy lives..These people are good people, nice people, responsible people, people who are worth loving and trusting..people who are worth taking care off...One of these people is COUSIN...cousin is an occasional user and yes part of the CLAN, cousin is youngest member of the clan (only 23 now). He lives alone and works in an advertising company. He happened to be good looking and tall hence, appearing in some of TV commercials and run way gigs. Cousin, is very friendly and accommodating that’s why everybody likes him! He is also loaded as a matter of fact, he doesn't need to work!..unlike me, cousin is conservative...he is my exact opposite..I hated him so much! I couldn’t understand why he is what he is...He is everything that I'm not! He is everything I want to be! I wanted to ruin his life! Why? Because he is living my dream life! I'm the one who should be in his shoes! I worked my way to be part of the Clan, I slept with mom and dad and blew dicks and ate pussy to be accepted! He on the other hand-didn't do shit! I'm gonna bring you down mother fucker! I thought..I'll hit you where it hurts...I forgot when but there is this one time I had to go home to Bulacan and as I say my goodbye to mom and dad, cousin jumped up and offered to give me a lift. Weird I thought...We never spoke to each other and now he is offering me a ride? I told him I’m going to Bulacan and that’s a long drive. "It's alright, I want to go on a road trip" he said...I gave in. This is going to be a long awkward road trip. We have nothing in common! Yea, so he drops and snorts cocaine occasionally but other than that, nothing! I could pretend to be sleeping but he needs to wake me up to ask for directions..While he was driving, we talked about people from the Clan, mom and dad then he asked me how long I was part of the Clan etc. etc...He talked about his life, I learned that he lived in New Zealand for 3 years with his mom. He came back to Manila because he got bored and lonely. I found out that he wants to open his own business someday and they he would soon be getting his Masters in one of the elite universities in Manila...I was thinking how lucky he is and how much I wanted to take over the wheel and crash it off the cliff or perhaps a post! He also asked about my life, I told him that I grew up in a province, the rural part of the province and my aunt raised me. I went to Manila at the age of 17 to live with my parents and sister who didn't really like me (that’s why they shipped me off in the 1st place)..I didn't know if it was the after math of the drugs that made me open up to him or was I was carried away because he was being too kind but I did share more than I have too. The thing with cousin is that, he is way too emotional and he started to cry..I hate it when someone cries! I don't cry, especially if I'm not alone! I'd rather eat chalk than cry! I got uncomfortable then he parked the car at side of NLEX and looked at me straight in the eye.."I'm sorry" he said.. my jaw dropped and I didn’t know what to say...It made me feel good hearing those words from him...For some reason I felt like he owes me an apology for living my dream life... how can someone I hate understand me!?!?!
"Shut up don't be cheesy!" finally, I managed to speak...He drove and we continued to talk..My hate towards him started to fade; I can't imagine someone so young (2years younger than i am) could be so fucking mature! When he got to our destination I told him I couldn't let him in because my aunt is a bitch and I didn’t want him to see me and my aunt shout at each other but before he left, I thanked him for the ride and promised that I will always protect him and will be loyal to him...As he drove off, I smiled and exhaled..At that moment I felt a little lighter..Thats how me and cousin became best friends..After that day we were inseparable..Untill this day, I am still intouch w/ Cousin, I'm still keeping my promise that I will always protect him and always be loyal to him...Cousin, you are one of the few people who showed me some respect...You never took advantage of me even though you know I was the clans "pet" and for that, I'm thankful...We'll grab a beer as soon as I've recovered
"Shut up don't be cheesy!" finally, I managed to speak...He drove and we continued to talk..My hate towards him started to fade; I can't imagine someone so young (2years younger than i am) could be so fucking mature! When he got to our destination I told him I couldn't let him in because my aunt is a bitch and I didn’t want him to see me and my aunt shout at each other but before he left, I thanked him for the ride and promised that I will always protect him and will be loyal to him...As he drove off, I smiled and exhaled..At that moment I felt a little lighter..Thats how me and cousin became best friends..After that day we were inseparable..Untill this day, I am still intouch w/ Cousin, I'm still keeping my promise that I will always protect him and always be loyal to him...Cousin, you are one of the few people who showed me some respect...You never took advantage of me even though you know I was the clans "pet" and for that, I'm thankful...We'll grab a beer as soon as I've recovered
My Name is E
My name is E. I am 25 years old and a recovering addict. This is my Diary. I will tell my story in no particular order. My mind is all over the place and to be honest, I do not know where to begin. Should you continue reading, I have to warn you that there will be a lot of things that may disturb you. I am not a good person ... yet. I hope to be one someday. If you don't like what you read, feel free to stop reading. I will not be using the real names of my so-called "friends", clients, or hook up buddies to protect their identity and of course, to protect my ass from getting sued. I am not here to talk dirt on people or to convince addicts to stay away from drugs. Like i said earlier, this is my diary, i'm just here to tell my story. If I offend anyone, I'd like to apologize in advance.
LOOKING WAY BACK
I started drinking at the age of 13. I was 14 when I started smoking cigarettes. My first ever drug experience was when I was 15. I can remember asking my cousin to buy a small bag of cannabis and we smoked it at a park in the wee hours of the night. I didn't really like it. It made me woozy and I was waiting for the pleasant trip to kick in but it never came. I pretended to love it to look cool. I then went on to experiment with cough syrups. I forgot the brand but I can remember that there were a number of flavors to chose from. My favorite was cola. At that time I wasn't really thinking of the consequences; I was just having fun. I couldn't blame anyone for it. I was fully aware that it is bad yet I didn't care. As much as I wanted to blame anyone for my drug abuse I just can't. I remember at the age of four my aunt telling me that I am responsible for my own actions. I can't even spell the word responsible yet. Everytime I drop my food off the table she would make me eat it off the floor. She then tells me that "sorry" means nothing to her. I grew up believing this way and this made an impact on me.
Anyway, I always wanted to have fun. I would gatecrash on birthday parties, hang out with strangers, go to bars and meet people. My motto was to live life to the fullest, experience everything and refuse nothing without trying it first. I always say to people that when I grow old and ugly I want to look back and say that I had a good run. I partied like there's no tomorrow and I have seen everything. I didn't know that seeing everything could make me suicidal.
THE ART OF CLIMBING UP THE DRUG SCENE
Climbing your way up the drug scene is harder than than you think it is. You have to let the underground junkie know that you have arrived but not too obvious that you will be an easy target for a drug bust (set up). You also have to be loaded with cash and have the three important connections: police, dealer, and so called eventologists. Police: so that If ever you get busted, you don't go to jail. Dealer: to supply you with drugs, of course. And eventologist: to get into bars and events for free. Now, most people in Manila are not born influential or rich (or both) so what do you do? You join a clique! How do you join a clique, you may ask? You pretend and make a damn good impression! How exactly do you do it? Well, some would kiss ass, but for me I developed a more effective but not efficient way to get into a clique faster than you can snort cocaine. First, I'd find out who heads the clique. I make it certain I am their best fuck ever. Early on in my life I learned how to use what have to my advantage. In my case, looks and sex is all I have. I am not rich. I didn't have connections and I didn't have a dealer. So I allow myself to be someone's bitch as long as I get free drugs out of them. I did that for some time. I hopped from one clique to another. I have to. I cannot over expose myself to a clique before they call my bluff and find out that I'm using their "leader" to get freebies. I told you. I'm not a good person. I'm a scumbag. But at that time, I was in heaven. I used people. Playing with their mind and getting exactly what I want from them is also like a drug to me. The attention, the pampering, the freebies. I thought I was living the Pinoy dream. Everything changed when a clique finally noticed me. I've been hearing a lot about them, they are way underground. You won't see them in bars or events. They're not as loud or as rich as the gucci gang but they're the clique I was very much intrigued. They are the "CLAN".
LOOKING WAY BACK
I started drinking at the age of 13. I was 14 when I started smoking cigarettes. My first ever drug experience was when I was 15. I can remember asking my cousin to buy a small bag of cannabis and we smoked it at a park in the wee hours of the night. I didn't really like it. It made me woozy and I was waiting for the pleasant trip to kick in but it never came. I pretended to love it to look cool. I then went on to experiment with cough syrups. I forgot the brand but I can remember that there were a number of flavors to chose from. My favorite was cola. At that time I wasn't really thinking of the consequences; I was just having fun. I couldn't blame anyone for it. I was fully aware that it is bad yet I didn't care. As much as I wanted to blame anyone for my drug abuse I just can't. I remember at the age of four my aunt telling me that I am responsible for my own actions. I can't even spell the word responsible yet. Everytime I drop my food off the table she would make me eat it off the floor. She then tells me that "sorry" means nothing to her. I grew up believing this way and this made an impact on me.
Anyway, I always wanted to have fun. I would gatecrash on birthday parties, hang out with strangers, go to bars and meet people. My motto was to live life to the fullest, experience everything and refuse nothing without trying it first. I always say to people that when I grow old and ugly I want to look back and say that I had a good run. I partied like there's no tomorrow and I have seen everything. I didn't know that seeing everything could make me suicidal.
THE ART OF CLIMBING UP THE DRUG SCENE
Climbing your way up the drug scene is harder than than you think it is. You have to let the underground junkie know that you have arrived but not too obvious that you will be an easy target for a drug bust (set up). You also have to be loaded with cash and have the three important connections: police, dealer, and so called eventologists. Police: so that If ever you get busted, you don't go to jail. Dealer: to supply you with drugs, of course. And eventologist: to get into bars and events for free. Now, most people in Manila are not born influential or rich (or both) so what do you do? You join a clique! How do you join a clique, you may ask? You pretend and make a damn good impression! How exactly do you do it? Well, some would kiss ass, but for me I developed a more effective but not efficient way to get into a clique faster than you can snort cocaine. First, I'd find out who heads the clique. I make it certain I am their best fuck ever. Early on in my life I learned how to use what have to my advantage. In my case, looks and sex is all I have. I am not rich. I didn't have connections and I didn't have a dealer. So I allow myself to be someone's bitch as long as I get free drugs out of them. I did that for some time. I hopped from one clique to another. I have to. I cannot over expose myself to a clique before they call my bluff and find out that I'm using their "leader" to get freebies. I told you. I'm not a good person. I'm a scumbag. But at that time, I was in heaven. I used people. Playing with their mind and getting exactly what I want from them is also like a drug to me. The attention, the pampering, the freebies. I thought I was living the Pinoy dream. Everything changed when a clique finally noticed me. I've been hearing a lot about them, they are way underground. You won't see them in bars or events. They're not as loud or as rich as the gucci gang but they're the clique I was very much intrigued. They are the "CLAN".
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Background
E is the author of a fanmail sent to Misterhubs on 04/07/08. I left a comment to which he replied off blog. I encourage E to start his own blog as a form of therapy. Instead I got a permission to publish his thoughts on his behalf. I edited his first post 'My Name is E'. I promised to publish the succeeding ones verbatim. I hope that this will ultimately benefit him in his recovery and rehabilitation. If it helps other people who is in the same boat or still others to understand his predicament, that would just be a bonus. Good luck, E.
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